Assalamu Aleikum!
Welcome to Sisters Wing! I think we all agree that for the most part, what interests brothers is also of interest to sisters and vice versa. In Islam, men and women deal with the same set of issues all their lives. We worship the same way; we fast the same way; we give zakat and relate to others in the same general fashion. We both fight against evil tendencies within ourselves internally and externally as we relate to other human beings. Nonetheless, there are certain issues that uniquely affect sisters particularly in the modern, predominantly non-Islamic societies. These include issues such as Hijab and the perception of Islam as a religion that oppresses women.
Muslim men may have beards but so do many non-Muslim men. But Hijab is almost exclusively worn by Muslim sisters. This makes them stand out and sometimes subject to discrimination and verbal or even physical abuse. It is for these reasons and many more that a forum is needed to address issues that uniquely affect them. The Internet is full of such forums but we wanted our own little corner for our small community. We hope our sisters will find it useful and use it to share views with their fellow sisters here and abroad by visiting often and submitting or forwarding articles when they find time. Sister should use this section in addition to and not instead of fully taking advantages of everything in the website.
Women In Islam:Beyond The Stereotypes
World Assembly of Muslim Youth -WAMY-
What comes to your mind when you think of a Muslim woman? A mysterious, veiled victim of male oppression, awaiting Western liberation? A slogan-shouting terrorist? An uneducated foreigner with whom you have little or nothing in common? Unless your social circle includes Muslim friends and acquaintances, the chances are that your impressions of Muslim women have largely been formed by negative media stereotypes - images that usually have little to do with real life, and may have been designed to attract more viewers, sell more products, or gain support for someone's political agenda.
How much do you really know about Muslim women's lives or views, and why does it matter? Well, for one thing, Muslims account for 20-25% of the people on this planet, and Islam has become the second main religion in Europe. But did you know that the majority of European and American converts to Islam are women - not men? Would it surprise you to learn that many women in the Muslim world feel sorry for Western women and view them as being victimised? Have you ever stopped to consider why Muslim women who immigrate to the West usually maintain their identity and strive to pass it on to their children? A thinking person may well ask, if Islam is as oppressive to women as some journalists would have us believe, why aren't Muslim women running away in droves? What it is about Islam that attracts any followers outside its heartlands?
In this brochure we aim to look beyond sensationalistic or alarmist stories to take a glimpse at what Islam has to offer educated women in today's world, and understand why so many (men and) women of every race, colour, and social class have made Islam their choice. The truth, like real life, is beyond propaganda and stereotypes.
The Islamic view of women
First of all, women are portrayed positively in the Qur'an and the Hadith (sayings of the Prophet Muhammad). The Qur'an is the only book of world Scripture in which women are frequently referred to alongside men, and both are described as being friends and partners in faith. The following verses are just a few notable examples:
The believers, men and women, are protecting friends one of another; they promote the right and forbid the wrong, establish prayer, pay the poor-due, and they obey God and His messenger. As for these, God will have mercy on them. Surely God is Mighty, Wise. God has promised to believers, men and women, gardens under which rivers flow, to dwell therein, and beautiful mansions in gardens of everlasting bliss. But the greatest bliss is the good pleasure of God: that is the supreme felicity. (Qur'an 9:71-72)
Surely for men who surrender to God, and women who surrender
and men who believe and women who believe;
and men who obey and women who obey;
and men who speak the truth and women who speak the truth;
and men who persevere (in righteousness)
and women who persevere;
and men who are humble and women who are humble;
and men who give alms and women who give alms;
and men who fast and women who fast;
and men who guard their modesty and women who guard
(their modesty);and men who remember Allah much and women who remember - Allah has prepared for them forgiveness and a vast reward. (Qur'an 33:35)
There is no question in Islam of men and women being at odds with one another, engaged in some kind of historical struggle for power. Rather, the roles of both are complementary and essential. The Qur'an states:
O mankind! Be mindful of your duty to your Lord, Who created you from a single being, and from it created its mate, and from the two of them has scattered countless men and women (throughout the earth). Fear God, in Whose (Name) you demand your rights of one another, and (be mindful of your duty) towards the wombs that bore you. God is ever Watching over you. (Qur'an 4:1)
Do not long for the favours by which God has made some of you excel others. Men shall have a share of what they have earned, and women shall have a share of what they have earned. (Do not envy each other) but ask God to give you of His bounty. God has knowledge of all things. (Qur'an 4:31-32)
The Prophet Muhammad augmented the revelations he received with further teachings and his wonderful personal example, which made him beloved by family and followers alike. He forbade violence against women, and preached against all forms of abuse of power. He warned that both men and women would be held accountable by God for those in their care or under their authority, and said:
Let no Muslim man entertain any bad feeling against a Muslim woman. If he should dislike one quality in her, he will find another that is pleasing.
The best of believers are those who are best to their wives and families.
The position of women in other religions
While these teachings may not seem very remarkable today, they were revolutionary at the time they were revealed, for Arabs and non-Arabs alike. While Muslim sons were being taught that Paradise lay at their mothers' feet, women in Confucian China were told to obey their fathers, then their husbands, and finally their sons after their husbands' death. Hindu women were declared to be unfit for independence, inherently weak, easily misled, sinful and unintelligent. In Buddhism, women were said to be the personification of evil. At the time, Jews and Christians believed women to be responsible for the downfall of the human race, and considered menstruation and childbirth to be the consequences of a Divine curse. One thousand years after Muhammad, in 1586, French Catholics were still debating whether or not women possessed souls! English Christians burned millions of women alive on the mere suspicion that they were witches. Married women in Europe did not gain the right to own property, obtain a divorce or enter into their own contracts until the 19th century. Not surprisingly, women who found such teachings unreasonable rebelled against them and fought for better treatment. Whereas other women have often had to pit themselves against the authority of a male priesthood, in Islam the dynamics of social change have been quite different.
Muhammad was greatly concerned with women's rights
The Prophet Muhammad was an extremely successful social reformer as well as spiritual and political leader, who championed the rights of the weak and oppressed. The Qur'anic verses referring to women had the effect of vastly improving the status and rights of women at the time they were revealed. Muslim women were granted the right to own, inherit and dispose of their own property as they saw fit; reject forced marriages; keep their own names and identities after marriage; initiate divorce; and obtain an education - back in the 7th century. In contrast to the dismal situation affecting many women in developing countries today, early Muslim women were noted for their learning and accomplishments. The Prophet declared, 'To seek knowledge is an obligation on every Muslim, male and female,' and his own wife Aisha was responsible for transmitting thousands of his sayings to later generations. Aisha was also renowned for her knowledge of poetry, medicine, and Islamic law, as well as her personal qualities of character and intelligence. When she led a battle after the Prophet's death, no one objected on the grounds that she was a woman. Many Muslim women in the medieval period enjoyed positions of respect as scholars and religious authorities. Therefore, Muslims seeking to improve the position of women in society have usually focused their efforts on getting men (and women) to practice Islam, rather than trying to 'reform' it, as happened with other religions. The main obstacles to Muslim women achieving the rights guaranteed to them, then and now, have been persistent un-Islamic cultural traditions (usually dating to the period before people accepted Islam in a given locality), inadequate religious education, and the bad side of human nature.
Women's roles, rights and obligations
Spiritual status
As shown in the Qur'anic verses above, women are considered to be the spiritual equals of men, and they have the same religious duties. This is all the more important when we consider that the main goal of a Muslim is to serve God, and that this world is regarded as no more than a testing-grounds to prepare oneself for eternal life after death. Therefore, worldly accomplishments, fame, wealth and power simply do not have the same attraction for a Muslim, whose main focus is on the Next World. The Qur'an repeatedly draws our attention to the fact that the time we spend in this world is short and unpredictable, and what really counts is our character, how we treat others, and what we do with the blessings God has given us. In this context, home and family are of paramount importance, since stable families are essential to the rearing of well-adjusted children who will transmit their faith and values to the next generation. According to a well-known Arab proverb, 'The mother is a school.'
Social roles
Islam supports the traditional division of labour whereby women assume the main responsibility for home while men are responsible for their financial support, but with an important difference: motherhood and homemaking, like a Muslim's inner life, are not considered to be less important or rewarding than a professional career. Indeed, motherhood is one of the most important professions, and competent mothers who can successfully run a warm and welcoming home, and raise a family of happy, confident and well-disciplined children are becoming increasingly harder to find. Muslim wives and mothers are granted the respect due to all women for the struggles and sacrifices they make for the sake of their families. Furthermore, Muslims consider it unfair to burden women with both the physical and emotional demands of motherhood and the professional demands of the workplace, which end up exhausting so many women and destroying family life for the sake of economic gain. Muslims often express sympathy for women in the West, who often suffer from sexual exploitation and abuse at home and in the workplace, while being unappreciated in their traditional roles. Western women who seek to be respected must often dress and behave like men, and are expected in practise to neglect their children's needs for the sake of their careers. In Islam, femininity is appreciated, and Muslim women may seek a higher education, work outside the home or volunteer their services to benefit the community as long as their primary responsibilities are taken care of. Any money that a Muslim woman earns is her own, to spend as she likes; men remain solely responsible for maintaining the family.
Islamic marriage
Although Muslim parents traditionally play an important role in arranging introductions and helping to choose marriage partners for their children, both husband and wife must freely agree to the marriage. The Prophet granted girls who had been forced into marriages against their will the right to have their marriages annulled.
The relationship between husband and wife in Islam is an interdependent one, based on love and tranquillity. The Qur'an says,
And of His signs is this: He created spouses for you from among yourselves that you might find comfort in them, and He put between you love and mercy. Surely there are signs in that for people who reflect. (Qur'an 30:21)
Both parents should strive to establish a stable, loving home and partnership. Major family decision-making should be through consultation and discussion. As the provider, the husband is expected to take the lead, as he is accountable to God for his care of the family. If no agreement can be reached, the wife should be supportive as long as her husband does not ask her to do anything that contravenes religious law. This works well as long as each spouse behaves maturely and treats the other with respect, kindness and consideration.
Codes of behaviour for women and men
In order to safeguard the moral integrity of family and society, Muslim men and women are expected to observe certain guidelines of behaviour that Westerners may find restrictive. Both sexes are expected to dress modestly in loose, non-transparent clothing and avoid situations that would put them alone with members of the opposite sex, or lead to temptation or misunderstandings. Muslim women additionally cover their hair, since women are ordinarily considered to be the more attractive of the sexes. These restrictions are not observed at home among close family members, but serve to protect women's honour in public and draw attention to their personal qualities rather than their looks. In Islam, the sexual urge is considered to be natural and desirable as long as it is confined to expression within marriage. However, Muslims are saddened by the rise in the vulgar exploitation of women and the human body for marketing purposes and pornography, which inevitably result in a cheapening of sexuality and the undermining of family and spiritual life.
Islam's appeal to today's woman
For women who enjoy being women and appreciate the differences (as well as the common ground) between the sexes, who would prefer to be respected for their intelligence and character rather than being chased after for their looks, and who would like to pursue personal and spiritual fulfilment at a human pace without having to neglect their families, Islam is a very appealing alternative.
A few words about polygamy…
Many people are aware that Muslim men are permitted to marry more than one wife. What is not generally known is that strict conditions of equal treatment in terms of time and money are imposed on men who do, or that women may stipulate in their marriage contracts that they have the right to divorce if their husbands take another wife. In reality, monogamy is the norm and polygamy the exception; it has never been common among Muslims except in areas where it was already practised, and it is seldom successful unless the first wife agrees. Islam did not introduce polygamy; in reality, some form of polygamy - whether with legal marriages, mistresses, prostitution or extra-marital affairs - occurs in every society. Rather, it allowed and regulated it in order to protect the women and children who might otherwise be taken advantage of. In certain cases, such as when the first wife is chronically (or mentally) ill or unable to bear children; when there are many widows and orphans due to war; or when a marriage has effectively broken down but the wife would prefer to remain married; open and legalised polygamy can be a workable second-best solution.
The Prophet Muhammad was married to his first wife, Khadijah, for 25 years, and he did not take other wives until after her death. His marriages to several widows and divorcees in later years were primarily contracted for political and humanitarian reasons, as was expected of a man in his position. His home life was characterised by love, consideration, kindness and respect.
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Women In Islam and other Religions
by Farhad Khan
The Liberated Woman:
We see some common characteristics in modern urban culture concerning what is required of men and women: Open chest shirts for the female, a necktie for the male. Belly exposed shirts for the female, tucked-in shirts for the male. Men's dress patronizes opaque clothing where as feminine clothes are transparent. Modern society labels a man as improperly dressed when not in full suit but women are celebrated if they keep their legs uncovered, even on a cold winter night.
The society that condemns the exhibition of male physical curves and labels them as "perversion" provides "artificial aides" to under developed areas of the female. Everyone has heard the term, 'unwed mother' but you hardly ever hear about the 'unwed father'. The fashion world usually controlled by males, aims to create instability in the female mind. She is taught that "wearing the least" is something that builds "status" and taking it all off is "liberation".
She is taught to hate her own body. The form of her eyelashes and brows, the style of her walking and speech, the color of her lips, nails and cheek are all given an artificial look. She also hates the natural trend of her hair. In such a society, "hair fashion designers" and cosmetic manufacturers make big money.
Whereas men balance themselves on a three-inch base heel of the shoes, the woman is expected to balance herself on a half a centimeter heel. This creates an abnormality called Lordosis in medical terminology. Males make big money, displaying female nakedness through their respectable trades like cabarets, strip bars, fashion shows, and especially commercial advertising (Do I want the Mustang or the sexy blonde in the advertisement?), nude paintings and magazines and now Internet web pages.
The modern urban culture does not only show the above but it also shows: Alarming statistics with manifold percentage increase through time of single parents, children with no fathers, broken families, sex crimes, divorce, suicide and drug use among teens, asylums for unclaimed children, homes for unwanted parents, clinics for delinquent youth and neurotic adults.
Recent estimates suggest that up to 80% of US society displays some form of psychological symptoms, and that up to 22% have psychological problems serious enough to interfere with their day to day living which are diagnosable (Chicago Tribune 12/1999).
Data in the United States also shows that 25 to 35 percent of girls are sexually abused, usually by men well known to them (Kilbourne 1999:253). A high percentage of women so assaulted suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (the same disorder that a large number of Vietnam veterans suffer from) which leads to addiction and substance abuse and eventually to poverty and homelessness. Thus women in America live in a "war zone" in thier own homes. If they survive childhood, their boyfriends or husbands eventually get them!
In such societies "liberation" of women has been reduced to a slogan to sell products. Such sellers of "liberation", mostly men, offer women "liberation" via smoking, alcohol, food and their natural longing for stable relationships [which have dwindled in such a society]. This commercial "liberation" comes at a great cost to women and serves to isolate them through addiction. As addicts make great consumers, the sellers of such "liberation" want to keep it that way (Kilbourne 1999).
When such sellers of "liberation" are faced with true demands for gender equality, like the ERA [Equal Rights Amendment in the United States], they reject them outright and a government funded and controlled by them makes it fail [ERA failed to pass in 1982]. Such powers that be in these societies not only attack any genuine efforts towards liberation of women in their own society [as they are commercially disadvantageous to them], but also attack all other ideas presented as truly liberating to women, by other societies [to which they export their commercial culture] by labeling them, "harsh, barbaric, primitive". They do this through their control of the media, which in most cases is not only owned by them but depends on them, through their advertising dollars, for its very survival .
This paper is an attempt to rewrite the History of Women's Rights, taking note of things that have been widely ignored in popular presentation of the subject. The paper also serves to clarify the position of a book, the Koran that has been distorted and misrepresented through the ages, by those having vested interests.
WOMEN IN WESTERN RELIGION:
Christianity, the major religion that shaped western thought, presents women as subordinate to men. Men according to the Bible are the owners of women, just like an animal is owned. Exodus 20:17 which states the famous tenth commandment, lumps a wife together with his servants, animals and house. A man could sell his daughter as a slave (Exodus 21:7-11) or give her in marriage to whomsoever he chose.
This subordination of women to men in the Bible, which shaped western thought on the issue, is made clear in Leviticus 12:1-8: After the birth of a male child, a woman is ritually impure for seven days, however after the birth of a female child she is ritually impure for fourteen days according to the law of the Bible.
1 Corinthians 14:34-35 of the New Testament of the Bible states:
"As in all Churches of the saints, the woman should be subordinate as even the law says...for it is shameful for a woman to speak in church."
1 Timothy 2:11 states:
"Let a woman learn in silence with all submissiveness. I permit no woman to teach or have authority over men. She is to keep silent, for Adam was formed first then Eve, and Adam was not deceived but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor."
1 Corinthians 11:6 says:
" For if a woman will not veil herself then she should cut off her hair, but if it is disgraceful for a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her wear a veil...for man was not created from woman but woman from man. Neither was man created for woman but woman for man."
Jesus' track record, based on the New Testament isn't much better in his treatment of women, even his own mother. According to the Gospel of John, he is openly rude to his mother. Having become famous among the people, according to John or whoever wrote the Gospel of John, he addresses his mother in this rude manner:
"Woman! What have I to do with you. My time is not yet (John 2:4)."
Imagine, if you're a woman [I am a man so correct me if I'm wrong] and your son or daughter said, "Woman! What have I to do with you" [and to top it off, it was said in public and not private], how you would feel? Considering a mother's sacrifice and discomfort in bearing and delivering a child, such behavior is unacceptable. Hardly an exemplary character that Christian evangelists depict the "Prince of peace" had. The Koran states:
"Be careful of God and be careful of the wombs that bore you (Koran 4:1).
"We have enjoined on humankind, kindness to their parents. In discomfort did his/her mother bear them and in discomfort did she give them birth (Koran 46:15)"
The Koran disputes the authenticity of the Gospels as being a genuine account of the words of Jesus, as does the Jesus Seminar, based on modern findings. Contrary to what the Gospels present Jesus as saying to his mother, the Koran quotes him as saying:
"And God has made me [Jesus] kind and dutiful towards my mother and not arrogant or overbearing (Koran 19:32)."
Helen Ellerbe, in her book, The Dark Side of Christian History (1995) elaborates on the Church's[both Catholic and Protestant] treatment of women:
The second century St. Clement of Alexandria wrote: "Every woman should be filled with shame by the thought that she is a woman." The Church father Tertullian explained why women deserve their status as despised and inferior human beings:
You are the devil's gateway: you are the unsealer of the tree: you are the first deserter of the divine law. You destroyed so easily God's image, man. On account of your desert-that is, death- even the Son of God had to die [Joan Smith, Misogynies: Reflections on Myths and Malice (N.Y Fawcett Columbine, 1989:66)].
Others expressed the view more bluntly. The sixth century Christian philosopher, Boethius, wrote in The Consolation of Philosophy, "Woman is a temple built upon a sewer." Bishops in the sixth century council of Macon voted as to whether women had souls. In the tenth century, Odo of Cluny declared, " To embrace a woman is to embrace a sack of manure."The thirteenth century St. Thomas Aquinas suggested that God had made a mistake in creating woman: "Nothing deficient [or defective] should have been produced in the first establishment of things; so women ought not to have been produced then." And Lutherans at Wittenberg debated whether women were really human beings at all. Orthodox Christians held women responsible for all sin. As the [Roman Catholic] Bible Apocrypha states, "Of woman came the beginning of sin/ And thanks to her we all must die (Ecclesiasticus 25:13-26)." As 1 Corinthians 7:1 states, "It is a good thing for man to have nothing to do with a woman."
The 1500s marked the beginning of "witchcraft persecutions." By the 1700s over 100,000 people, 80-90 percent of them women, had been put to death in Europe usually by burning at the stake (Chicago Tribune Dec 29, 1999- A profile of women's history). This amounted to be a self-fulfilling prophecy as the religious King James I estimated that the ratio of women to men who "succumbed" to witchcraft was twenty to one (Ellerby 1995:116).
Witch persecution has its roots in the Bible as well:
"Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live. Whoever lieth with a beast shall surely be put to death. He that sacrificeth unto any god, save to the LORD only, he shall be utterly destroyed." (Exodus 22:18-20)
Keeping a woman silent according to what St. Paul had said was widely practiced in Europe and the Christian world. In 1833 when the first coeducational college in The U.S, Oberlin College was established, women were not allowed to speak in many classes. In 1623 in England, a woman sentenced by a court to be "too frank" was publicly displayed in a "scold bridle", i.e. a metal cage around her head with a spiked plate which cut her tongue if she dared speak.
Contrary to this God, in the Koran, not only encourages women to speak, but says that they are listened to and admonishes men to be fair and just with them.
Consider this statement in the Koran and compare it to what the Bible said:
"God hears the saying of her who argues with you concerning her husband, and complains to God. God hears your mutual complaints(Koran 57:1)"
HINDUISM AND WOMEN:
In Hindu religious literature by far, the most effective weapon used by the Gods to corrupt virtuous mortals is a woman. Usually a seductive celestial nymph but sometimes, just woman, the root of all evil in the ascetic oriented view of the orthodox Hindu (Baldick, Radice, and Jones :36).
The Mahabharata states, " I will tell you my son, how Brahma created wanton women and for what purpose, for there is nothing more evil than women... The Lord Grandfather, learning what was in the hearts of the Gods, created wanton women by a magic ritual in order to delude mankind.." (13.40.3-10)
The complete subservience of wives to their husbands in Hindu custom shows up in the practice of Sati, where the wife burns herself alive on her dead husbands pyre. In 1780 when the Raja of Marwar died in India, his 64 wives burned themselves alive on his funeral pyre. Even though the secular government of India made this practice illegal it still continues to be practiced because of religion.
CHINESE RELIGIOUS CONCEPTS AND WOMEN:
The Yin and the Yang is a concept quite familiar even in the west especially in merchandise. In their mythical theory of how the universe operates, Chinese philosophers invented the concept of the Yin and Yang. The universe they concluded is understood to be a balance of the Yin (evil or negative) and the Yang (good or positive).
When asked to further describe Yin (evil), the explanation comes:
" The Yin is the negative force in nature. It is seen in darkness, coolness, FEMALENESS, dampness, the earth, moon and the shadows. The Yang (good) is the positive force in nature. It is seen in lightness, warmness, MALENESS, dryness and the sun (Hopfe :207)."
Max Weber, the German sociologist, recognized as the leading person in the entire field of sociology and known for his work on the Sociology of Religion, writes in his work on Confusianism and Taoism:
The doctrine held in common by ALL schools of philosophy [in Chinese Religion] summarised the "good" spirits as the [heavenly and masculine] Yang principle, the "evil" ones as the [earthly and feminine] Yin principle, explaining the origin of the world from their fusion ( Ed. Gerth 1951:29)
Until 1901, the Chinese practiced "foot binding" for girls which deformed girl's feet. It had been practiced for around a thousand years, based on tradition, till it was banned in 1901. Even after being banned, it was widely practiced until 1949. Marie Vento (1998), in her paper, One Thousand Years of Chinese Footbinding: Its Origins, Popularity and Demise, writes:
In its most extreme form, footbinding was the act of wrapping a three- to five-year old girl's feet with binding so as to bend the toes under, break the bones and force the back of the foot together. Its purpose was to produce a tiny foot, the "golden lotus", which was three inches long and thought to be both lovely and alluring...
One notable personality who aided in the spread of footbinding was the famed writer and scholar Zhu Xi (1130-1200 A.D), whose commentaries on the Confucian classics would form the canon of Neo-Confucianism that would dominate Chinese intellectual and philosophical life for six subsequent centuries. An ardent advocate of footbinding, he introduced the practice into southern Fuijan in order to spread Chinese culture and teach proper relations between men and women, greatly influencing other writers who mention the practice as if it were normal...
For men footbinding is troubling because it suggests not only that men are capable of perceiving a gruesomely crippled foot as an object of seductive pleasure, but that they are further capable of using their superior social position to coerce women to conform to a standard of beauty that is both deformed and grotesque. For women, footbinding is unsettling because it reveals a willingness to cripple their own daughters to meet an aesthetic and criterion of social behavior defined by men (retreived from the internet 01/15/'00)
FEMALE INFANTICIDE AND HINDU AND CHINESE TRADITION:
Not only did the Koran outlaw female infanticide, which was widely practiced in Arabia at the time of the prophet Muhammed, it made it an issue to be especially addressed on Judgment Day:
"And when the girl-child buried alive is asked for what sin she was killed(Koran 81:8-9)"
The Koran places extreme importance on every human life, be it male or female, of whatever color or nationality. The statement of the Koran reproduced below on the dignity of even one individual life is unsurpassed in world literature. The Koran states, without differentiating between male and female:
"Whosoever kills even one human being, other than for man slaughter or tyranny on earth, it would be as if they had killed all of humanity. And whosoever saves even one human life, it will be as if they have saved all of humankind (Koran 5:32)"
Not only is female infanticide widely practiced in India based on the traditional Hindu preference for male children compared to females [resulting in over 10,000 confirmed cases every year- non reported cases are many more], modern technology is being used to abort female fetuses (Naft & Levine 1997:304-307).
Naft and Levine (1997) write in their International Report on the Status of Women:
Yet since the mid 1970s, when parents found that modern medical techniques could determine the sex of a fetus and enable them to identify and abort female fetuses, the practice has become commonplaceGovernment officials even suspect that the disproportionate abortion of female fetuses may be a major underlying cause of the recent decline in the nation's sex ratio (Naft & Levine 1997:304-305)
There is a strong preference among traditional Chinese for boys instead of girls. Until 1992 there was no law in China that outlawed female infanticide. Give the "one child law" and the traditional preference for male children, female infanticide was commonly practiced and resulted in the famous "missing girl" problem (Naft & Levine 1997).
THE KORAN AND WOMEN:
"And among God's signs is this: He created for you mates from amongst yourselves (males as mates for females and vice versa) that you might find tranquillity and peace in them. And he has put love and kindness among you. Herein surely are signs for those who reflect (Koran 30:21)."
Surprisingly egalitarian in its approach, the Koran doesn't agree with the Bible's claim of men being owners of women, neither does it agree with women being created for or from men [as the Bible claims], nor does it say that women cannot teach nor have authority over men. The Koran also dispels the common myth among other religions in general that; a woman is evil by nature and has been created to deceive mankind. The purpose, says that Koran, of mates is that tranquillity and peace emerges through the natural instinct of love and kindness among mates.
People who analyze the Koran however sometimes feel different about many of its verses, which to them suggest that the Koran is in some way putting down women. These verses are a handful and given the nature of this paper we can go in detail with them.
The verse in the Koran that causes trouble to most liberals and is misused by evangelical Christians is:
"Men are the protectors (Qawamoon) of women, because God has given preference to some over others. And because men spend of their property on women. So good women are obedient, guarding even unnoticed that what Allah (God) has asked them to guard. As for those from whom you fear rebellion in this (i.e. guarding their chastity in your absence), i) talk to them, ii) leave them alone in their beds, iii) strike them. If they then obey you, look not for any way against them.. (Koran 4:34)."
The verse in question is quite clear if we don't jump to hasty conclusions. Men have been given the duty to protect and support women. God has given preference to one gender over another in certain duties. Men have been given preference in being the providers of women and women are given preference in caring for a child. Even if divorce separates a man from his wife, he has to seek her help in caring for the child or another female if the mother agrees (Koran 2:233). Men are told to spend of their property on women and not ask the woman for anything even if she happens to be rich.
Now to the controversial part: The verse asks women to guard even when unnoticed, that which God has asked them to guard. If we have read the Koran carefully, we won't have trouble in determining that God specifically asks women and men to "guard" their chastity (Koran 24:30-31). To the women who cheat on their husbands, the Koran gives a three step, braking mechanism to hasty divorce or worse still capital punishment for adultery.
Step one, the husband should talk to the wife and try to resolve it. Usually, given men's image in popular culture, step one would normally be shouting and cursing and maybe even hitting. Around four million women in the US are severally battered each year. Two to four thousand of them die. Rather unfortunate and avoidable if a braking mechanism exists for people exercising their emotions. Contrary to this, the Koran suggests that talk be the first option.
Step two, the Koran recommends that marital relations be temporarily stopped between the couple, if cheating persists even after a talk. This would give the woman further opportunity to consider if she'd rather separate from the man and provide for herself after divorce or if she'd rather stay in the current marriage. If however the couple want to separate, which most people would if there was cheating going on, the Koran states in the next verse:
"And if you fear a breach between the two (husband and wife), appoint an arbiter from his family and an arbiter from her family. If they(husband and wife) desire amendment, God will make them of one mind. For God is Knowing and is Aware (Koran4:35)."
If however, the woman wants to stay with the man but doesn't quit cheating, i.e. break up the extra marital relationship then the Koran says resort to Step three, which is implicitly for the woman's own benefit especially in an economically harsh environment. In step three, the Koran says strike them. The word used signifies a single symbolic strike. The word strike in the verse does not represent beating up in any way. It is not supposed to injure the woman but is meant to be symbolic. Thus the same word Darab,is used in the Koran to "strike or hit" someone with an example, Darab al imsal (Koran 66:11). If it injures the woman than the woman according to law can have the authorities retaliate against the man as he would have broken the law, as for injury there is equal retribution according to the Koran [Koran 5:45].
Here is the situation that warrants step three: the woman doesn't want to end the current marriage and also doesn't want to put an end to her cheating episodes, the Koran suggests that the husband strike her, for her own benefit. This is very liberal. The woman on her own would be under financial hardship and so she wants to use the current marriage relationship. However she also doesn't want to quit cheating on her husband. People, men or women normally aren't so forgiving as to keep the marriage and accept that the other party remains cheating. Something has to be done to make the relationship compatible, after both talking and temporarily halting marital relationship hasn't worked. However, in all sincerity, I can state confidently that step 3 will never arise since both the man and the woman are free to end the relationship during the course of step 1 and step 2.
The Koran by making the symbolic strike step 3 is actually controlling human tendency of hitting,given popular culture, which usually come before talking and reasoning. It makes it virtually impossible that a man going through 1 and 2 will resort to 3 also and not break the marriage before. Where there are difficulties that need to be settled, the Koran provides a very modern and just arbitration system (see above Koran 4:35). The Koran is concerned to the utmost about women's rights. Human society has usually not given equal opportunity to women, even today in the west. The Koran wants to protect women in a harsh society and at the same time change men's "control-oriented" minds to one that is more reasonable. The method the Koran uses is more result oriented than dogmatic, where both parties are dealt with equitably and with justice.
By making the strike step 3 the Koran effectively controls the anger emotion that is often spontaneous in such situations. Good reasoning and communication, arbitration to settle differences and short suspension of marital relations should effectively do away with any tendency to hit. The Koran is thus not just putting a count of ten between a man and his anger but days and weeks between it. It thus gives anger and mistrusts a long time and a systematic procedure to get reasonable resolved.
Contrary to being discriminatory towards women, this law can be seen as discriminating against men [if everything else were equal, ceteris paribus] as it asks them to hold on to women that cheat in marriage with them, in order to protect the woman. However since it compensates for the "advantage" that men initially have in society, it is very egalitarian and not discriminatory towards either side.
Compare the Koran's breaking mechanism for controlling anger to the fact that wife beating was not outlawed in the United States until 1871 [over 13 centuries after the Koran]. Even after being outlawed, in the absence of such procedures contained in the Koran, domestic violence affects at least a third of all women in the United States over four million annually [this figure is over 80% under represented as most cases go unreported] (Newman 1998). According to the FBI Uniform Crime Report of 1991, it is the leading cause of injury to women 15 to 44. Over a third of women who die in the United States die at the hands of husbands or boyfriends (Kilbourne 1999). I can confidently state that if such a procedure as the Koran presented was internalized and implemented, not only would women not get injured, there would be more talking and communication and little or no violence in the home, and poverty and the fall in the standard of living of a woman due to divorce would be reduced. The system prescribed by the Koran works where just saying, "Don't do it" would not and has not.
This attitude of the Koran to protect women in an economically harsh environment is seen in many places throughout the book. For example, men married to women who then become guilty of lesbianism or bisexuality are told not to throw the women out of their homes but to keep them there till some way is found (Koran 24:3).
The Koran has given some duty preference to men over women and some to women over men. This was mentioned briefly before. However, this doesn't mean that the Koran forbids women from earning their livelihood if they have no man to support them. Koran 4:22 for example states that for men is what they earn and for women what they earn and that both men and women should seek God's bounty collectively.
PROPERTY LAWS:
Around two hundred years back, women had no property rights in Europe. Islam has given them such since the start. Before the 1840s women had no property rights in America. Property rights in Islam, given the nature of the various relationships that man and women fit under, are surprisingly egalitarian. When a man marries a woman, he has to give a substantial part of his property (according to his means) to the woman as a "marriage gift (Mahar)," stated as a man's duty unto God (Koran 4:24).
A woman doesn't have to give anything to a man even if she is rich. It is for this reason primarily that the Koran asks that out of a parents property the son get twice that of the daughter (Koran 4:11). It is expected that the daughter would marry and get a man's property as marriage gift and not have to worry about providing for herself, as it's the man's duty to provide for her. The son on the other hand would Islamically be expected not only to provide for his potential wife but also give a major part of his property to her as marriage gift.
This however, is not discrimination among the genders. There are specific reasons why the son gets twice that of the daughter. When the conditions are different, the Koran suggests that both male and female get the same amount. For example out of a son's wealth both the father (male) and the mother (female) get equal shares if the deceased had a son.
LEGAL BATTLES:
" O believers. When you contract a debt for a given fixed term, record it in writing...and call to witnesses from among your men, two witnesses. And if two men be not present then one man and two women of such as you approve as witnesses, so that if one of them errs, the other admonishes her (Koran 2:82)."
Both faithful believers and attackers from all camps have abused this particular statement in the Koran. It is presented by them in a generalized form with a concluding statement that Islam considers women's testimony to be half that of men.
The above verse does not talk about testimony in general but only presents one case basically involving financial transactions. It doesn't state any generalization of women's testimony being half that of men, or that two women will equal one man. If interpretation is sought, then a positive one would be that the Koran wants to protect women from being unfairly influenced or pressurized by men. As support for the woman another woman is supplemented, so that if one errs the other reminds her.
Not to put down women in any way, but statistics show that women are more difficult as witnesses in courts of law. The Koran recognizes this difference in men and women, be it social or biological and corrects for it to support the woman from being manipulated by men. The end purpose is justice, which shouldn't offend any reasonable person. In different circumstances however, one woman's testimony is given more weight, where it concerns herself than one man's testimony in the Koran, as it can override it. This case would be when a man (husband) accuses a woman (his wife) of cheating in a relationship but has no witness except his own testimony, which is against her testimony (Koran 24:6-9). The Koran gives women's testimony more weight than a man's does!
Before the 1920s, women had no political voice in the United States and weren't allowed to vote. Women have always had a voice based on the authority of the Koran. There is a famous story where a ordinary woman based on the authority of the Koran challenged Omar the Caliph and confronted him in an open forum. Omar acknowledged that he was wrong and the woman was correct as she acted on the authority of the Koran! This was over fourteen hundred years back. A cigarette ad says to women, "You've come a long way baby". Yes, a long way indeed [in the opposite direction] from 1400 years. Women have the freedom to smoke and kill themselves but not to change and challenge laws that govern their lives!
DRESS:
We read above that the Bible recommends that women veil themselves or shave off their hair. Contrary to what Muslim practice has been for many centuries, the Koran doesn't ask women to cover themselves from head to toe.
The Koran states:
"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their chastity; that is purer for them. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their chastity, and not to make a display of their beauty except what is apparent, and let them cast a cover over their bosoms.... And turn to Allah (God) altogether, O believers, in order that you might succeed (Koran 24: 30-31)."
The Koran suggests that both men and women dress modestly and guard their chastity. Other than this the Koran suggests that women put a covering on their chest (bosom) over the regular clothing they wear and not make a wanton display of their beauty (Koran 24:30-31). This does not fit in any way the picture of a woman wearing a chador or burka [veil] covered from head to toe. It would more closely resemble a picture of a woman wearing a shirt and pants, which do not deliberately reveal her body, with a scarf over her chest (bosom).
Tradition and not the Koran made "tradition based" Muslims bring the veil into Islam from Christian custom (see Paul's saying on the veil). The Koran did not sanction it. The statement in the Koran that talks about dress talks about both men and women dressing modestly, guarding their chastity and lowering their gaze. It does not discriminate between the sexes except in the case of women it asks them to take a extra covering over their bosoms [chest] only.
POLYGAMY AND THE KORAN:
Two things that come to mind whenever Islam or the Koran is mentioned in the West (in relation to women) are Islamic polygamy and the restrictive Islamic dress for women (the infamous veil). A third thing also commonly crops up when talking about Islam in general and that is terrorism [Jihad or so-called holy war]. These three effectively describe the stereotype of Islam held by the West. Like most stereotypes they are based either on ignorance or describe the practice of those that base their actions on tradition more than the Koran. Instead of attacking tradition and custom, those with vested interests attack Islam and the Koran even though it is evident that these stereotypes aren't rooted in the Koran.
There is nothing in Christianity or Judaism against polygamy (polygyny- one man taking more than one wife). Indeed the Old Testament assumes that marriages will be polygamous and laws are constructed based on that assumption. For example, Exodus 21:10 in the Bible states:
"If he take to him another wife, her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage shall he not diminish." (The Bible, Exodus 21:10)
There is not a word attributed to Jesus in the New Testament which disallows polygamy. Paul forbade bishops and deacons from marrying more than one wife (1 Timothy 3:2), this implicitly suggests that other were allowed polygamy (polygyny). The insistence on monogamy was an invention introduced by the Roman Catholic Church as late as AD 600 just as the invention of the celibacy of the clergy [the Church being against marriage in general and not only polygamy] (Cairncross 1974:70). The early Lutheran Church in Munster, Germany proclaimed polygamy (polygyny) the "ideal form of marriage" (Cairncross 1974:1)
Any mention of polygamy in the West today, among feminists and non-feminists alike, evokes feeling of hate. This hate is rooted in Western culture and not religion as we have seen above. The culture that hates polygamy however allows all sexual intercourse between a man and a woman in plurality [as long as it is pre or non marital]. However the same intercourse made "responsible" by marriage in the plural is outlawed and hated.
The Koran severely restricted the open practice of polygamy. The statement in the Koran that deals with polygamy is just one yet it is misused and abused by both Muslims and Non-Muslims. It states:
"And if you fear that you will not be able to deal justly with the oppressed women [Yatama- literally, the Orphans among women-see the context], then marry from among them two or three or four, but if you fear you wont be just [even then], then marry only one (Koran 4:3)."
The Koran states explicitly above that polygyny is allowed only if the women you marry:
1. belong among oppressed (orphan) women. Men cannot pick and choose from "any" women who they want as a second wife
2. Polygamy is to be practiced only if marriage would bring social justice to such women, justice that they are otherwise denied.
3. If marrying more than one cannot bring such justice then polygamy is not allowed. Thus the Koran severely restricts the open practice of polygamy in society.
The Koran does not, like the early Lutheran Church, term polygamy the "ideal" form. According to the Koran, polygamy is a good option only when it brings social justice to the oppressed classes of women.
According to poverty expert William Julius Wilson (1996), 31% of the continually poor in America comprise of "non-elderly" African American women. Now these are among the oppressed classes of women. If polygamy by well established men could bring social justice to them by removing their children and hence future generations from this "cycle of poverty," it is good. It is also recognized by many sociologists and by Dr. Wilson himself that "non-marriage" and the "lack of marriage" is a viable reason in their poverty and status. "Lack or marriage" or a "broken household" is recognized universally by sociologists as contributing to such poverty. It is recognized that divorce and out of wedlock childbearing has resulted in the "feminization of poverty ." In Iraq, after the Gulf War when hundreds of thousands of women became widows, restricted polygamy by just individuals would similarly have been very functional.
In many countries where the population of women is a few million more than the population of men, some women can statistically never find husbands if everyone practiced monogamy. Such oppressed women [I say oppressed because a lack of maritally intimate relationship is to me deprivation and oppression of a sort] could be given family life and hence social justice by "restricted" Koranic polygamy.
The Koran is well aware that men misuse polygamy as they are "swayed by the greed of their hearts" and thus puts severe restrictions on the practice of polygamy to protect the rights of women and wives. As a result the only "religious" book that states explicitly, "then marry only ONE (Koran 4:3)" is the Koran. Monogamy is prescribed for society in general with "restricted" polygamy being allowed when special circumstances warrant it.
DIVORCE:
The Koran by giving women a right to initiate divorce is truly revolutionary. The New Testament, in the supposed words of Jesus, makes divorce an offense similar to adultery, permissible only when the woman has cheated on the husband (Matthew 5:32). The Old Testament states that only a man can initiate divorce (Deuteronomy 24:1).
The Koran, contrary to that states:
"...If you both fear that you wont be able to keep within the boundaries of God in marriage, there is no harm if SHE ransom herself..."
The ransom would of course be the return of the initial property that the man gave her when she got married to him (the Mahar).
It is a common misconception that Islam offers a quick divorce. If the man says: "I divorce you," three times to the woman the marriage is nullified, according to popular rumor. This is not true. The Koran offers an elaborate braking system for divorce. A system which is so advanced for its time that it is now being suggested in England to stop careless "quick" divorce which creates a burden on both the adults and children in question.
The Koran's method of divorce is simple yet very functional. If mind is set on divorce, a divorce statement is written and pronounced in the presence of witnesses (Koran 65:2). Then there is a three month break in which both parties stay together as husband and wife, so that time be given to reconsider (Koran 2:228). After the three-month period, if the man initiated the divorce, he can either take the wife back, if she wants to remain in the marriage, or part. If he takes her back he can initiate divorce only once more in his life with the same woman.
If he takes her back the second time, then he has lost his rights to initiate divorce in the same relationship ever again (Koran 2:229). A woman can buyout her divorce by surrendering the property that was given her by the husband whenever she thinks the marriage wont work out. All through this process, the Koran suggest that help be sought by arbitration (Koran 4:35), one person from the man's side and one from the woman's. Very modern concepts given the history of the Koran. Does it not surprise you that people refer to the followers of this book as barbarians? Yet, the same culture that points fingers at these "barbarians" has a divorce rate of over 50 percent. Out of every hundred new marriages in the United States over fifty [old or new] will end in divorce.
Concerning divorce, since the man has been providing for the woman, regardless of who initiated the divorce proceedings, the Koran states:
"..And for women are rights equal to the rights against them but men have a degree over them (in the context of divorce only) in what is just (2:228)."
It is very clear that this verse is stating that there can be no absolute equal laws when conditions on both sides differ. Giving equal laws under unequal circumstances would be injustice. The Koran wants equality with justice. Thus women are allowed to divorce a man once [by surrendering the property the man gave her] and the husband can initiate the divorce twice.
Not only is the Koran the only "religious" book that explicitly states, "and for women are rights equal to the rights against them in justice (2:228)", it is more egalitarian than modern laws. As late as 1982 in the United States for example, the Equal Rights Amendment that called for equal rights for men and women in the law, failed. The Koran truly liberated women over fourteen hundred years back declaring that for women will be rights equal to those against them in justice!
THE LIBERATION OF WOMEN:
Koran; A Defender of Women's Rights:
"And when you men have divorced women, ...then either retain them in kindness if you reconcile, or part with them in kindness. Do not retain them to harm them so that you transgress limits. He who does this has wronged himself (Koran 2:231)."
"O believers! It is not lawful for you to inherit women against their will, nor that you should put restrictions on them, that you might take what you had given them...Consort with them in kindness, for if you hate them, it might happen that you hate something in which God has put much good (Koran 4:19)."
Men and Women Together:
"Women impure for men impure. And men impure for women impure. Women of purity for men of purity, and men of purity for women of purity. These are not affected by what people say. For them is forgiveness and an honorable provision (Koran 24:26)."
"And their Lord has heard them and says: 'I don't let the work of any worker be lost be they male or female. You both proceed one from the other..(Koran 3:195)."
" Indeed, men who submit and women who submit, believing men and believing women, and men who obey and women who obey, and truthful men and truthful women, and men who persevere and women who persevere, and men who are humble and women who are humble, and men who give alms and women who give alms, and men who fast and women who fast, and men who guard their chastity and women who guard their chastity, and men who remember God much and women who remember God much. God has prepared for them forgiveness and a great reward (Koran 33:35)."
"And the believers men and women are friends one of the other, they enjoin what is right and forbid what is wrong, and they establish worship and pay the poor due, and they obey God and his messenger. As for these, God will have mercy on them...(Koran 9:71)."
Women as Examples for Men and Women:
" God cites an example for those who believe: the wife of Pharaoh when she said: My Lord! Build for me a home with you in the Garden, and deliver me from Pharaoh and his work and save me from a tyrannous people. And Mary the daughter of Emran, who guarded her chastity, and we inspired in her of our spirit. She confirmed the words of her God and his books and was of the steadfast (Koran 66: 11-12)."
While reading the above statements in the Koran take note of the fact that men and women are mentioned together as "equals" in status. This concept is repeated time and again in the Koran based on the common origin of humankind (4:1). Unlike the Bible the Koran does not accept woman being created from man or for man. As a result a common notion that is repeated in the Koran is, "You (men and women) proceed one from the other (3:195 etc)."
CONCLUSION:
Most people may not have any idea on what Islam is or what it stands for but they are all "experts" on the oppressed woman in Islam. After reading the contents of this paper, it should be evident that:
1. Islam is the only religion that gives equal rights to everyone regardless of race or sex. There is no religious book, not even the constitution of the US, which states explicitly like the Koran, "And for women are rights equal to the rights against them in justice."
2. The Koran does not ask women to veil themselves completely from head to toe. Such may be Muslim practice in many parts of the world, but it is not sanctioned by the Koran. The Koran merely asks both men and women to dress modestly and not to flout their nakedness. On the other hand, the Bible which many claim western civilization was based on, demands that women wear the veil (1 Corinthians11: 6) or risk having their head shaven.
3. Men and women are of equal human status in the Koran (Koran 3:195), however Christian doctrine on which the early American societies were based, had Biblical norms which hold that a woman is subordinate to a man (1 Corinthians 14:34) and are created for man (1 Timothy 2:11)
4. Islam based on the Koran, which is very different to the Islam that Muslim masses believe in, gave women the right to property ownership and a voice in legal testimony centuries before such "revolutionary" ideas were even dreamed of by Europe [the word "feminism" was coined in 1882 in France and voting rights and property ownership rights followed many years thereafter].
5. The Koran prescribes polygamy only among the oppressed classes of women IF marriage can better their status in society and is just and equitable. If marriage cannot provide justice to the woman then the Koran prescribes monogamy as the only option. The only "religious" book that explicitly states, "then marry only one (Koran 4:3)", is the Koran.
6. Within the text of the Koran the ignorant practice of female circumcision, which many people believe is the norm in Islam, is not even mentioned. It is an innovation that entered "tradition based" Islam, not something that the Koran suggested or prescribed. It is not a part of Islam or the Koran.
7. Islam has never had a problem with women in authority. Even in modern days, Muslim lands have seen female heads of states. We have yet to see a woman president in the US.
Note: This paper does not at all validate Sunni or Shia Islam. The "Islam" believed in by the masses of Muslims [which I refer to as "tradition based" Islam], includes with the Koran other authorities in their "religion". These authorities are Hadith [sayings falsely attributed to the prophet] and fiqh [so called Islamic jurisprudence]. These sources are not warranted by the Koran and entered Islam centuries after the death of the prophet, in the form that we have today. They were based on oral traditions unlike the Koran which was written down from day one. In these "extra-Koranic" sources we find many statements that are derogatory of women and give them a lower status compared to men. Some statements in the hadith for example compare women to monkeys and dogs and call them bad luck. They even suggest that the woman serve her husband like a "lesser-god" stopping a little short of worshipping them. Not only is this outrageous, it goes against the strict monotheism of the Koran. The Koran is the only book of authority in Islam. For more information, see my web site - http://members.aol.com/silence004
Copyright © 2000 Muhammed Asadi
The cure for Sexism and Racism:
"O Humankind! We have created you male and female and have divided you into nations and tribes that you recognize each other. The best of you in the sight of God is the one most socially aware (taqwa- literally it means "extremely careful")." Koran 49:13
Division into sexes and nations is merely for the purpose of recognition and has nothing to do with status or one being better than the other according to the Koran.
"And of God's signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth, and the difference in your colors and languages. Indeed in this are signs for those who have knowledge." Koran 30:22
J
ust like the different languages in the world, the different colors of humankind are a sign of God. They have nothing to do with status of one or the other being better based on language or color. It shows intelligent creation, which puts in variety and not random chance.
Bibliography:
1.The Koran: translated from the Arabic.
References to the Koran, e.g. Koran 24:5 signify, chapter (Sura) 24, Statement (aya) 5.
2. The Bible. Revised Standard Version (1971) and Good News Bible.
3. Hopfe, Lewis M. Religions of the World, fifth edition. Mc Millan Publishing C 1991.
4. Jones, Baldick, Radice. Hindu Myths. The Penguin Classics 1975.
5. Wilson, William Julius. 1996. When Work Disappears. New York. Alfred A. Knopf.
6. Naomi, Neft and Levine, Ann.D. 1997. Where Women Stand: An International Report on the Status of Women in 140 Countries. New York. Random House.
7. Brotman, Barbara. 1000 Years. The Chicago Tribune. December 29, 1999 (Page 1, Section 8).
8.Cairncross, John. 1974. After Polygamy was made a sin. London. Routledge & K.Paul.
9. Ellerby, Helen. 1995. The Dark Side of Christian History. San Rafael. CA. Morningstar Books.
10. Kamal, Omar. 1989. Deep Into the Qur'an. Karachi. Pakistan
11. Kilbourne, Jean. 1999. Deadly Persuasion. New York. The Free Press.
12. Newman, David M. 1998. Sociology.Thousand Oaks California. Pine Forge Press.
13. Weber, Max. Edited by Gerth, Hans. The Religion of China: Confusianism and Taoism.1964. New York. The Free Press.
The Fear of Hijab:
Nothing strikes fear in the Western psyche like a piece of cloth on a woman's head
by Naheed Mustafa
In September 1994, 13-year-old Emilie Ouimet was sent home from Montreal (Quebec, Canada)’s Louis Riel High School because her Hijab did not conform to the school's dress code.
Two months later, a second Quebec girl, 15-year-old Dania Baali, was told she would have to transfer to another school from College Regina Assumpta if she wanted to observe Hijab.
It is incredible to know nothing strikes fear in the hearts of Western man like a piece of cloth on a woman's head.
The Hijab is Perceived As A Radical Statement
To some, she is making a radical statement about her violent political ideas. To others, she is the symbol of absolute subjugation and is in dire need of rescue. For them, having such women as part of the North American landscape is frightening. She is “the veiled woman,” belonging in a foreign place, an actor on an exotic stage.
We are seen as poisoning this “free and democratic” culture with our “weak and submissive ways.” Thus, various school boards in Quebec have decided that rooting out the unwanted influence at the earliest point possible is the best way to avoid contaminating their haute culture.
The Fear of Hijab is Legitimate
I have often wondered why a woman in Hijab participating freely in this society is perceived as so threatening. I have always thought that fear of such women was unfounded. After all, her wearing Hijab has nothing to do with anyone else-it only has to do with her commitment to Allah. But now I realize the fear is legitimate.
"Muslim women are a threat."
Hijab Sends a Message of Acceptance and Rejection
A woman who covers herself out of the love of Allah is not just stating something about what she accepts but she is also saying something about what she rejects. Any woman who refuses to play the gender games that are so basic to all societies is going to be pushed out.
Women have always been expected to play some kind of role in every society. In North America, a great part of this role revolves around sex and the aura of sexuality. Any relationship involving men and women has some kind of sexual undertone.
When a woman covers herself she is rejecting that role, she is saying sex will have nothing to do with her public life. It is the fact that she has taken out of the discussion her physical self that people find so upsetting.
A Woman in Hijab : More than "Just a Woman"
A female doctor, writer, electrician or plumber may be appreciated in the work environment for her skill, but is still basically seen as “just a woman.” But put her in Hijab so that what makes her a woman cannot be appraised and all of a sudden you are dealing with a person.
It is a radical idea not liked by many.
She is Rejecting The Politics of Gender
This person is not only rejecting preset gender roles but also the associated politics of gender. She is therefore rejecting the basic social structure which also means she is seen to be rejecting the political system and its tied economic setup.
So educators in Quebec should feel threatened. Emilie and Dania are more than just two girls whose headgear does not conform to school dress code. They are representatives of something bigger, of a different way of life and of living. It took me some time to come to this conclusion.
Hijab : An Act of Faith
I had always seen Hijab as a private matter between myself and Allah. I chose to wear Hijab because I felt my Iman (faith) had to be translated into action and if Allah asks me to cover, then I should. If I could not act out my faith then what was the point of saying I had any faith? But, unfortunately, those around me did not see my wearing Hijab as a personal act of worship. Rather, they saw it as a personal attack on them. I wore Hijab and that automatically meant I disapproved of everything they did. I found the hostility difficult to understand. Just because my head was covered, people were unable to relate to me. I had a newfound freedom and a greater sense of confidence in myself as a Muslim but most others saw me as a throwback.
Women's Progress Still Tied To Appreance
Progressiveness for women is unfortunately still defined by how much they are willing to reveal. The more power women seem to gain, the more compelled they are to take off their clothes. This paradox is at the root of the confusion faced by North American women.
They are supposed to be strong, independent and assertive yet, at the same time, they are made slaves to an ideal physical image which cannot be achieved by the vast majority of women. This duality is a marketable commodity.
Take the fashion industry for example; the latest from Paris says “glamor” is the hottest look of the season with its glossy lipsticks, slip dresses, and spiked heels.
Women object saying that fashion designers are expecting them to dress like prostitutes at the office. They loathe the fact that the female body is used for selling everything from cosmetics to clothing to cars. Yet when Muslim women cover themselves up and protest the very same thing, they are conversely regarded as being oppressed.
Terminal Confusion About Women's Freedom
The confusion is terminal. While some fight against what they see as objectifying women, others feel the ideal way to ultimate freedom for women is the right to got bare chested in public. The rationale seems to be that once our bodies are desexualized then it will be safer for us to go out on the streets. We just have to give up our dignity, our modesty and our privacy. And it is in the midst of all this confusion that women in Hijab have arrived. Their unwillingness to play into the hands of either side has earned them scorn.
Hijab has become a Political Statement
Hijab is fundamentally part of worship but, right or wrong, it has become a political statement as well. We may only be expressing our commitment to our Deen (religion) but Hijab is seen to symbolize a rejection of the West.
The Mistake of the Secularists
This perceived rejection has affected liberal secularists so profoundly that they are willing to push aside their own basic principle of individual freedom to stave of the “oppressive” influences of Islam. It would be a wise person indeed who would realize that it is the very culture secularists are trying to preserve that has led people to search for something else.
And for those who are truthful to themselves, they will see that Emilie and Dania have it figured out.
Islamic Traditions and the Feminist Movement: Confrontation or Cooperation?
by Dr. Lois Lamya' al Faruqi
Whether living in the Middle East or Africa, in Central Asia, in Pakistan, in Southeast Asia, or in Europe and the Americas, Muslim women tend to view the feminist movement with some apprehension. Although there are some features of the feminist cause with which we as Muslims would wish to join hands, other features generate our disappointment and even opposition. There is therefore no simple or "pat" answer to the question of the future cooperation or competition which feminism may meet in an Islamic environment.
There are however a number of social, psychological, and economic traditions which govern the thinking of most Muslims and which are particularly affective of woman's status and role in Islamic society. Understanding these can help us understand the issues which affect male and female status and roles, and how we should react to movements which seek to improve the situation of women in any of the countries where Muslims live.
THE FAMILY SYSTEM:
One of the Islamic traditions which will affect the way in which Muslim women respond to feminist ideas is the advocacy in Islamic culture of an extended rather than a nuclear family system. Some Muslim families are "residentially extended" - that is, their members live communally with three or more generations of relatives (grandparents, parents, uncles, aunts, and their offspring) in a single building or compound. Even when this residential version of the extended family is not possible or adhered to, family connections reaching far beyond the nuclear unit are evident in strong psychological, social, economic, and even political ties. Mutual supports and responsibilities affecting these larger consanguine groups are not just considered desirable, but they are made legally incumbent on members of the society by Islamic law. The Holy Quran itself exhorts to extended family solidarity; in addition it specifies the extent of such responsibilities and contains prescriptive measures for inheritance, support, and other close interdependencies within the extended family.[1]
Our Islamic traditions also prescribe a much stronger participation of the family in the contracting and preservation of marriages. While most Western feminists would decry family participation or arranged marriage as a negative influence because of its apparent restriction of individualistic freedom and responsibility, as Muslims we would argue that such participation is advantageous for both individuals and groups within the society. Not only does it ensure marriages based on sounder principles than physical attraction and sexual infatuation, but it provides other safeguards for successful marital continuity. Members of the family provide diverse companionship as well as ready sources of advice and sympathy for the newly married as they adjust to each others' way. One party of the marriage cannot easily pursue an eccentric course at the expense of the spouse since such behavior would rally opposition from the larger group. Quarrels are never so devastating to the marriage bond since other adult family members act as mediators and provide alternative sources of companionship and counsel following disagreements. The problems of parenting and generational incompatibility are also alleviated, and singles clubs and dating bureaus would be unnecessary props for social interaction. There is no need in the extended family for children of working parents to be unguarded, unattended, or inadequately loved and socialized because the extended family home is never empty. There is therefore no feeling of guilt which the working parent often feels in a nuclear or single-parent organization. Tragedy, even divorce, is not so debilitating to either adults or children since the larger social unit absorbs the residual numbers with much greater ease than a nuclear family organization can ever provide.
The move away from the cohesiveness which the family formerly enjoyed in Western society, the rise of usually smaller alternative family styles, and the accompanying rise in individualism which many feminists advocate or at least practice, are at odds with these deep-rooted Islamic customs and traditions. If feminism in the Muslim world chooses to espouse the Western family models, it should and would certainly be strongly challenged by Muslim women's groups and by Islamic society as a whole.
INDIVIDUALISM VS. THE LARGER ORGANIZATION: The traditional support of the large and intricately interrelated family organization is correlative to another Islamic tradition which seems to run counter to recent Western trends and to feminist ideology. Islam and Muslim women generally advocate molding of individual goals and interests to accord with the welfare of the larger group and its members. Instead of holding the goals of the individual supreme, Islam instills in the adherent a sense of his or her place within the family and of a responsibility to that group. This is not perceived or experienced by Muslims as repression of the individual. Other traditions which will be discussed later guarantee his or her legal personality. Feminism, therefore, would not be espoused by Muslim women as a goal to be pursued without regard for the relation of the female to the other members of her family. The Muslim woman regards her goals as necessitating a balance with, or even subordination to, those of the family group. The rampant individualism often experienced in contemporary life, that which treats the goals of the individual in isolation from other factors, or as utterly supreme, runs against a deep Islamic commitment to social interdependence.
DIFFERENTIATION OF SEX ROLES: A third Islamic tradition which affects the future of any feminist movement in an Islamic environment is that it specifies a differentiation of male and female roles and responsibilities in society. Feminism, as represented in Western society, has generally denied any such differentiation and has demanded a move toward a unisex society in order to achieve equal rights for women. By "unisex society," I mean one in which a single set of roles and concerns are given preference and esteem by both sexes and are pursued by all members of the society regardless of sex and age differentials. In the case of Western feminism, the preferred goals have been those traditionally fulfilled by the male members of society. The roles of providing financial support, of success in career, and of decision making have been given overwhelming respect and concern while those dealing with domestic matters, with child care, with aesthetic and psychological refreshment, with social interrelationships, were devalued and even despised. Both men and women have been forced into a single mold which is perhaps more restrictive, rigid and coercive than that which formerly assigned men to one type of role and women to another.
This is a new brand of male chauvenism with which Islamic traditions cannot conform. Islam instead maintains that both types of roles are equally deserving of pursuit and respect and that when accompanied by the equity demanded by the religion, a division of labor along sex lines is generally beneficial to all members of the society.
This might be regarded by the feminist as opening the door to discrimination, but as Muslims we regard Islamic traditions as standing clearly and unequivocally for the support of male-female equity. In the Quran, no difference whatever is made between the sexes in relation to God. "For men who submit [to God] and for women who submit [to God], for believing men and believing women, for devout men and devout women, for truthful men and truthful women, for steadfast men and steadfast women, for humble men and humble women, for charitable men and charitable women, for men who fast and women who fast, for men who guard their chastity and women who guard, for men who remember God much and for women who remember - for them God has prepared forgiveness and a mighty reward" (33:35). "Whoever performs good deeds, whether male or female and is a believer, We shall surely make him live a good life and We will certainly reward them for the best of what they did" (16:97).[2]
It is only in relation to each other and society that a difference is made - a difference of role or function. The rights and responsibilities of a woman are equal to those of a man, but they are not necessarily identical with them. Equality and identity are two different things, Islamic traditions maintain - the former desirable, the latter not. Men and women should therefore be complementary to each other in a multi-function organization rather than competitive with each other in a uni-function society.
The equality demanded by Islamic traditions must, however, be seen in its larger context if it is to be understood properly. Since Muslims regard a differentiation of sexual roles to be natural and desirable in the majority of cases, the economic responsibilities of male and female members differ to provide a balance for the physical differences between men and women and for the greater responsibility which women carry in the reproductive and rearing activities so necessary to the well-being of the society. To maintain, therefore, that the men of the family are responsible for providing economically for the women or that women are not equally responsible, is not a dislocation or denial of sexual equity. It is instead a duty to be fulfilled by men as compensation for another responsibility which involves the special ability of women. Likewise the different inheritance rates for males and females, which is so often sited as an example of discrimination against women, must not be seen as an isolated prescription.[3] It is but one part of a comprehensive system in which women carry no legal responsibility to support other members of the family, but in which men are bound by law as well as custom to provide for all their female relatives.
Does this mean that Islamic traditions necessarily prescribe maintaining the status quo in the Islamic societies that exist today? The answer is a definite "No." Many thinking Muslims - both men and women - would agree that their societies do not fulfill the Islamic ideals and traditions laid down in the Quran and reinforced by the example and directives of the Prophet Muhammad, salallahu alehi wasallam. It is reported in the Quran and from history that women not only expressed their opinions freely in the Prophet's presence but also argued and participated in serious discussions with the Prophet himself and with other Muslim leaders of the time (58:1). Muslim women are known to have even stood in opposition to certain caliphs, who later accepted the sound arguments of those women. A specific example took place during the caliphate of 'Umar ibn al Khattab.[4] The Quran reproached those who believed woman to be inferior to men (16:57-59) and repeatedly gives expression to the need for treating men and women with equity (2:228, 231; 4:19, and so on). Therefore, if Muslim women experience discrimination in any place or time, they do not and should not lay the blame on Islam, but on the un-Islamic nature of their societies and the failure of Muslims to fulfill its directives.
SEPARATE LEGAL STATUS FOR WOMEN: A fourth Islamic tradition affecting the future of feminism in Muslim societies is the separate legal status for women which is demanded by the Quran and the Shari'ah. Every Muslim individual, whether male of female, retains a separate identity from cradle to grave. This separate legal personality prescribes for every woman the right to contract, to conduct business, to earn and possess property independently. Marriage has no effect on her legal status, her property, her earnings - or even on her name. If she commits any civil offense, her penalty is no less or no more than a man's in a similar case (5:83; 24:2). If she is wronged or harmed, she is entitled to compensation just like a man (4:92-93; see also Mustafa al Siba'i 1976:38; Darwazah n.d.:78). The feminist demand for separate legal status for women is therefore one that is equally espoused by Islamic traditions.
POLYGYNY: Although the taking of plural wives by a man is commonly called polygamy, the more correct sociological designation is polygyny. This institution is probably the Islamic tradition most misunderstood and vehemently condemned by non-Muslims. It is one which the Hollywood stereotypes "play upon" in their ridicule of Islamic society. The first image conjured up in the mind of the Westerner when the subject of Islam and marriage is approached is that of a religion which advocates the sexual indulgence of the male members of the society and the subjugation of its females through this institution.
Islamic tradition does indeed allow a man to marry more than one woman at a time. This leniency is even established by the Quran (4:3).[5] But the use and perception of that institution is far from the Hollywood stereotype. Polygyny is certainly not imposed by Islam; nor is it a universal practice. It is instead regarded as the exception to the norm of monogamy , and its exercise is strongly controlled by social pressures.[6] If utilized by Muslim men to facilitate or condone sexual promiscuity, it is not less Islamically condemnable than serial polygyny and adultery, and no less detrimental to the society. Muslims view polygyny as an institution which is to be called into use only under extraordinary circumstances. As such, it has not been generally regarded by Muslim women as a threat. Attempts by the feminist movement to focus on eradication of this institution in order to improve the status of women would therefore meet with little sympathy or support.
II. DIRECTIVES FOR THE FEMINIST MOVEMENT IN AN ISLAMIC ENVIRONMENT
What can be learned about the future compatibility or incongruity of feminism in a Muslim environment from these facts about Islamic traditions? Are there any general principles to be gained, any directives to be taken, by those who work for women's rights and human rights in the world?
INTERCULTURAL INCOMPATIBILITY OF WESTERN FEMINISM: The first and foremost principle would seem to be that many of the goals of feminism as conceived in Western society are not necessarily relevant or exportable across cultural boundaries. Feminism as a Western movement originated in England during the 18th century and had as one of its main goals the eradication of legal disabilities imposed upon women by English common law. These laws were especially discriminatory of married women. They derived in part from Biblical sources (e.g., the idea of man and woman becoming "one flesh," and the attribution of an inferior and even evil nature to Eve and all her female descendants) and in part from feudal customs (e.g., the importance of carrying and supplying arms for battle and the concomitant devaluation of the female contributions to society). The Industrial Revolution and its need for women's contribution to the work force brought strength to the feminist movement and helped its advocates gradually break down most of those discriminatory laws.
Since the history and heritage of Muslim peoples have been radically different from that of Western Europe and America, the feminism which would appeal to Muslim women and to the society generally must be correspondingly different. Those legal rights which Western women sought in reform of English common law were already granted to Muslim women in the 7th century. Such a struggle therefore holds little interest for the Muslim woman. In addition, it would be useless to try to interest us in ideas or reforms that run in diametrical opposition to those traditions which form an important part of our cultural and religious heritage. There has been a good deal of opposition to any changes in Muslim personal status laws since these embody and reinforce the very traditions which we have been discussing. In other words, if feminism is to succeed in an Islamic environment, it must be an indigenous form of feminism, rather than one conceived and nurtured in an alien environment with different problems and different solutions and goals.
THE FORM OF AN ISLAMIC FEMINISM: If the goals of Western feminism are not viable for Muslim women, what form should a feminist movement take to ensure success?
Above all, the movement must recognize that, whereas in the West, the mainstream of the women's movement has viewed religion as one of the chief enemies of its progress and well-being, Muslim women view the teachings of Islam as their best friend and supporter. The prescriptions that are found in the Quran and in the example of the Prophet Muhammad, salallahu alehi wasallam, are regarded as the ideal to which contemporary women wish to return. As far as Muslim women are concerned, the source of any difficulties experienced today is not Islam and its traditions, but certain alien ideological intrusions on our societies, ignorance, and distortion of the true Islam, or exploitation by individuals within the society. It is a lack of an appreciation for this fact that caused such misunderstanding and mutual distress when women's movement representatives from the West visited Iran both before and after the Islamic Revolution.
Second, any feminism which is to succeed in an Islamic environment must be one which does not work chauvenistically for women's interest alone. Islamic traditions would dictate that women's progress be achieved in tandem with the wider struggle to benefit all members of the society. The good of the group or totality is always more crucial than the good of any one sector of the society. In fact, the society is seen as an organic whole in which the welfare of each member or organ is necessary for the health and well being of every other part. Disadventagous circumstances of women therefore should always be countered in conjunction with attempt to alleviate those factors which adversely affect men and other segments of the society.
Third, Islam is an ideology which influences much more than the ritual life of a people. It is equally affective of their social, political, economic, psychological, and aesthetic life. "Din," which is usually regarded as an equivalent for the English term "religion," is a concept which includes, in addition to those ideas and practices customarily associated in our minds with religion, a wide spectrum of practices and ideas which affect almost every aspect of the daily life of the Muslim individual. Islam and Islamic traditions therefore are seen today by many Muslims as the main source of cohesiveness for nurturing an identity and stability to confront intruding alien influences and the cooperation needed to solve their numerous contemporary problems. To fail to note this fact, or to fail to be fully appreciative of its importance for the average Muslim - whether male or female - would be to commit any movement advocating improvement of women's position in Islamic lands to certain failure. It is only through establishing that identity and stability that self-respect can be achieved and a more healthy climate for both Muslim men and Muslim women will emerge.
NOTES
[1]. For example, see Quran 2:177; 4:7,176; 8:41; 16:90; 17:26; 24:22.
[2]. See also Quran 2:195; 4:124,32; 9:71-72.
[3]. "God (thus) directs you as regards your children's (inheritance): to the male, a proportion equal to that of two females..." (Quran 4:11).
[4]. Kamal 'Awn 1955:129.
[. Marry women of your choice, two, or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess. That will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice."
[6]. It should be remembered that any woman who wants her marriage to remain monogamous can provide for this condition under Islamic law.
REFERENCES
Kamal Ahmad 'Awn, Al Mar'ah fi al Islam (Tanta: Sha'raw Press, 1955)
Muhammad 'Izzat Darwazah, Al Dastur al Quran fi Shu'un al Hayat (Cairo: 'Isa al Babi al Halabi, n.d.).
Mustafa al Siba'i, Al Mar'ah baynal Fiqh wal Qanun (Aleppo: Al Maktabah al 'Arabiyyah, first pub. 1962).
Nurturing Through Breast Feeding
By Mildred M. El-Amin
We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents: In pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth. The carrying of the (child) to his weaning is (a period of) thirty months. At length, when he reach the age of full strength and attains forty years, he says, 'O my Lord! Grant me that I may be grateful for Thy favor which thou hast bestowed upon me, and upon both my parents....'" Holy Quran 46:15
Family Life Question: "Breast feeding our new baby will be a new experience for me, and I'm concerned about providing an adequate amount of milk. What are some helpful things to know?"
Dear New Mother: It is from the breast that "the milk of human kindness" literally flows. Human milk contains thousands of nutrients, some of which are not found anywhere else in nature. It is very specific in its design for the optimum growth and development of the human infant.
Breast feeding is a part of the continuation of life, that is evolving in the manner Allah has ordained. Breast feeding is natural. We have abandoned many of the beautiful natural things that Allah has given to us that would assure the sanctity of human life. We need guidance to adhere to the more natural ways of life that are in accordance with Allah's universal order. "There is no moving creature on earth but its sustenance dependeth on Allah." (Quran 11:6)
Not only are the physical qualities of breast milk best, the emotional and spiritual bonding that takes place between mother and child is immeasurably vital to life. Breast feeding encourages bonding for the entire family. Allah has given the woman the role of nurturer of life, the role of providing the warmth, comfort, security and compassion that sets life on the best course.
There are many herbal remedies for breast feeding mothers. More than 30 herbs are considered to promote healthy milk producing. Nutritionists advise the widely know herb, fenugreek. Dr. Mohammed El-Shatet of Fouad University in Cairo, Egypt, reports in Mothering magazine (July-Sept. 1988) that fenugreek could increase breast milk production by as much as 900 percent. Mothers who had experienced their babies failing to gain weight found that infants thrived when they began drinking fenugreek tea. Even adoptive mothers have been able to produce milk for their babies after drinking this tea regularly.(3)
The effectiveness of an herbal remedy is dependent upon its preparation. Healing qualities are increased when herbs are grown in a kitchen garden with loving care and without pesticides and herbicides. There are natural pros and cons to using herbs while breast feeding: herbs may flavor milk; some herbs that affect the infant and are as potent as pharmaceutical products; herbal remedies may alter the composition of milk; herbs can influence the quantity of milk. When there is any room for concern, consult a nutritionist and always consult your caring physician.
Breast feeding is one way that Allah has given us as mothers to nurture life and through it, Allah wants us to feed our young ones the physical, emotional and spiritual food vital to life. Studies have revealed that "African" youth who are breastfed and carried about on the mother's back as she goes about through the day are among the youth with the highest intelligence levels in the world.
Kabongo, a Kikiyu chief in Africa, spoke these beautiful words about his mother when he was eighty years old: "My early years are connected in my mind with my mother. At first she was always there; I can remember the comforting feeling of her body as she carried me on her back and the smell of her skin in the hot sun. Everything came from
her," as related in Touching the Human Significance of the Skin by Ashley Montagu. (4)
References
3. "Herbal Remedies For The Breast feeding Mother, "
Mothering, No. 48 (Summer 1988), p.69.
4. Ashley Montagu, TOUCHING The Human Significance of the Skin,
(Harper and Row Publishers, 1978), p. 75.
Dealing with the Critical Husband
From: Al Jumu'ah
Allah (Subhanhu wa Ta'ala) says: "O you who believe! Avoid much suspicion; indeed some suspicions are sins…" (Qur'an 49: 12)
It is easy to forget how our actions and manners can have a tremendous impact on our spouses and loved ones, and also how many times our mind wandering suspiciousness can play a very negative role in our relationships.
Fatimah, a young woman of 31 years old, thrived on learning. She had attended college for three years after graduating from high school, but was unable to complete her last year due to financial constraints. However, she was finally able to finish her remaining credits over the past three years by taking a couple of classes at a time through a university that offered online classes.
Although she had officially graduated, she had not yet told her husband and family. The university was out of state, and she would not financially be able to attend the graduation ceremony in any case, so she thought the less known about the event the better. She did not want to place any further financial burdens on her family.
One afternoon, as Fatimah stood in the kitchen chopping vegetables preparing for dinner, her husband Mustafa entered the room, and then stopped and glared at her. Although he was standing behind her, she felt his eyes piercing into her. He had been working overtime hours at his job lately, and it seemed that he had developed a short fuse. Fatimah hesitated, and then continued chopping.
"Why are you so slow? Dinner should have been finished an hour ago." She stood Frozen as he continued, "What is that you're making anyway" Fatimah spoke without turning toward him, not wanting the conversation to develop into an argument, "It is one of your favorites, Maklooba," He frowned, "Again? You never seem to get that recipe right - not like my mother used to make it." Then Mustafa walked into the other room to read the newspaper.
Fatimah, who had been holding her breath, let out a sigh of relief. She then walked quietly to the bathroom - turning the lock as she leaned on the door for support. Slowly turning, she was face to face with herself in the mirror. A lone tear began to roll down her cheek, "Oh Allah, I love him so much - why must he be so critical sometimes? His harsh words make me feel so terrible." She wept in silent solitude for a few moments.
Then, once she had regained her composure, she went back to the kitchen to continue preparing the dinner. In the other room she faintly heard her husband speaking on the phone with someone, he sounded furious about something - but she could not make out any details. All she could understand from the one-sided conversation was that someone was going to have a talk with a supervisor and because of that, someone was going to lose his job. Concerned, she wondered if her husband might be in some trouble at work, but she did not think it wise to try to talk to him while he was so obviously upset.
Mustafa left the house immediately without a word to Fatimah. She sat on the couch bewildered about her husband's actions. What could be going on? What was he so upset about? Was he going to lose his job?
An hour later Mustafa arrived home and walked into the kitchen where Fatimah was checking on the night's dinner - her back was turned to him. "As-salamu Alaykum" he said as he entered. She replied, resisting to turn around so her eyes would give away her concerned and questioning expression. Again, she could feel his eyes piercing into her; and then he spoke. "Fatimah, this has got to stop." She looked up from the kitchen counter, gazing out the window briefly "What" she said with annoyance, "What in the world are you talking about?" Then twirled around, ready to fight off any further criticism.
Mustafa stood in the kitchen holding an armful of yellow daisies; yellow was her favorite color and daisies were her favorite flowers. She looked at him with confusion, "What is this? What is going on?" Mustafa walked toward her speaking softly, "I know I've been harsh with you lately." Fatimah's eyes softened, "Mustafa, why have you been so upset?"
Mustafa grabbed her hand and walked over and they sat down at the kitchen table together. He held her hand and continued, "I know that you've never given up on me, even when I was hard to live with and I admire you for your patience, even through the toughest times. I have had a lot on my mind lately and some things have not worked out as I had hoped for them to. Forget about dinner tonight; let me take you out for dinner. I know of a new place that one of the brothers just opened up. Let's try it out, okay?" Fatimah nodded in agreement, wiping away her tears.
Fatimah was surprised and excited. Because their finances had been so tight, it had been a while since the last time they had been able to afford a dinner at a restaurant. She put things away in the kitchen, placed her beautiful flowers into a vase, and then went to get dressed.
During the entire trip to the restaurant Fatimah noticed how carefree and happy Mustafa suddenly seemed to be; it was a far cry from the attitude she had seen earlier in the day. Although his actions were confusing, she was sure about one thing, she was happy to see him smiling again.
Once they arrived, he reached inside the restaurant ahead of her and then stuck his head out of the door, waving for her to hurry up. Fatimah laughed the silliness of his antics as she opened the door and was amazed at what she saw. She saw all of her family, except her mother and father gathered on both sides of the restaurant.
On the back wall a huge banner hung that said, "Happy Graduation Fatimah - We Love You." Fatimah began to cry; all this time she had thought badly of her husband and all the while he was planning something so thoughtful for her. She was a little dazed and very embarrassed at her own misgivings. She turned to her husband and said, "May Allah reward you for your great kindness."
As she turned to go and sit with her aunts and closest friends, Mustafa turned her around, "One more surprise, I received a promotion at work!" Fatimah smiled at him, "Masha Allah, Mustafa - you got a promotion! That is so wonderful."
Mustafa smiled back, and then frowned a little. "I want you to know the reason I have been edgy lately. It is because I just haven't had enough sleep. Over the past few weeks I took another part-time job after work so I could save up a little extra money in order to throw this party for you and so I could fly your parents in for this special day." Fatimah looked around the room for her mother and father. Mustafa then lowered his head in disappointment and replied, "Unfortunately, somehow the reservations got messed up. The conversation you heard was with the reservation guy who messed up the flight."
Fatimah stumbled over her own words, "Oh Mustafa! Masha Allah, you have worked so hard. But, how did you know about my graduation? I didn't tell anyone." Mustafa smiled, "I saw the letter the school sent you and I wanted to surprise you, but after the past few weeks I know that good news should never wait." Fatimah shook her head in agreement, laughing through her tears of happiness. "Never again," she said, "Never again."
The point is this, we should never be hasty to make assumption about our loved ones or our fellow Muslims for that matter - even in the worst of times. Allah warns us not to be suspicious of one another, and that is because in suspicion there is always more harm than good. Our marriage is the most important relationship we have in our adult life, it is the relationship in which our families are created and our children learn form us.
Because of the importance of our marriage, we should always first give our spouse the benefit of the doubt, look beyond the obvious for reasons of their unexplained or undesirable behaviour and try to find a remedy for it, rather than jump into suspicions and harshness toward one another.
Allah tells us in the following verse that He has placed mercy between spouses. To clarify the meaning of that, we need only check the Merriam -Webster's dictionary and we find that the definition for mercy is this: "compassion or forbearance shown especially to an offender." This means that Allah knows we will offend one another, but it also means that we have to be brave enough to show our spouses compassion - even when they offend us…not just when things are going great.
"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect." (Qur'an 30: 21
source:missionislam.com